just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
