Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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