she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
