just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
