the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
