I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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