aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
