I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
