only you would photoshop your dick
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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