Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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