Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
