Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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