Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
