I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
