dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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