RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
