I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
