So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
