i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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