They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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