So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
