my room smells like sperm. sweet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
