Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
