its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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