I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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