She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
