BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
