my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
