we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
