Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
