i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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