Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Randomize
