But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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