Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As shirtless as possible
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
