cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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