ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
