he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
