Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
