we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We got so high we made milksteak
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize