he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
