If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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