I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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