There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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