Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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