Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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