Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
