Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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