youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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