I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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