3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
