he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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