party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
