I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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