where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize