There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
