Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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