i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize