Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
