Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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