Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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