I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she peed on how many people?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
