ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
