Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
