I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
