Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What a dumb baby whore.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
