So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
