I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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