I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
