I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
