I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
