i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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