i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
