So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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