I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize