You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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