You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
