There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
