I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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