yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
