i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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