that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
time to smoke my breakfast
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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