Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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