Duck Duck Cougar?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
