UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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