You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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