Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
