"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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