I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
