things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize