3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
