if you like me you must not know who I am
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
