My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
