every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
