what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
