this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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