me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
