I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
