I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
