So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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