new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
