I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
