i jhust puked up my retainher.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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