I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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