the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize