just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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