he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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