Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
