its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
