First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
